Run, Forest, run!


In regards to my earlier post You’re Unstoppable Today I finally remembered to sit my lazy ass down and fill my promise to create a post about achieving your running goals.

Let me start off by admitting that I was a naysayer when it came down to the art of recreational jogging. Hell, I hated it so much I refused to leap off the ground for even an inch. It wasn’t until I started getting in shape did I realise the roots of my loathing – insecurity about my weight, out of breath easily, the dreading of boob bouncing (no joke, this is a legit fear).

I started from huffing and puffing chasing after the bus to training for a 5k in 30 minutes. If you read this and thought if only, don’t. It’s not IF, it’s WHEN. And I’m about to show you how you can achieve this, no matter how long it takes you.

If you’ve read my Unstoppable post we’ve already established the fact that I’m a nutsack, so don’t be surprised when I tell you how I thought it was gonna be oh-so-easy to run a swift hour just because I started to moderately work out.

I thought, oh let me just put on my trainers and dash straight out the door. Needless to say, that earlier thought was immediately squashed by the amount of wheezing and intense breathing that followed literally 30 seconds in. I looked like I was ready to give birth. On top of that, my mouth became the reminiscent of a dehydrated Spongebob.


Because guess what, I. Didn’t. Bring. Water.

So pay attention, maggots. I’m saving you a very shameful walk back to your house.

Number 1: Plan Your Jog

Download or write a schedule. Running is all about building up your endurance, (then speed comes later on if you want to amp up your pace).

Since this post is aimed at beginners I’m linking plans that are adjustable to their level. You can choose any of the following:

Number 2: Equipment

Literally all you really need is a t-shirt, a comfortable pair of jogging trousers and well-fitted trainers. I advise you to visit your local sports store and ask for their recommendations. It’s worth investing in fairly expensive trainers in the long-run (haha, see what I did there? No? Okay, I’ll see myself out).

For me personally, I take a few more things:

  • Phone/iPod/MP3 Player. Because I’d rather face a pair of hungry coyotes than leave my house without my music. Remember to create a motivating playlist. (Hey, you can even use mine on spotify).
  • Garmin Vivoactive fitness watch. Of course you don’t have to buy this, it’s just something I wanted for me. I bought it a few months ago and now it feels like an extra limb. I use it to track my sleep cycle, daily steps and monitor my activities.
  • If you don’t use a fitness watch it’s a good idea to bring your phone/smart device for an app that times your pace. I recommend runtastic timer:


Every section can be modified. Workout is what I’d use for running and rest is for walking. Sets represents the amount of rounds you’re doing – adjust it according to your schedule. I’d ignore repetitions, unless you plan to do the entire process again.


Week 1: Run 2 minutes, walk 4 minutes. Repeat 5 times.

Workout is 2 minutes. Rest is 4 minutes. Sets should say 5 times. This would make a total of 30 minutes for one routine.

  • Cordless headphones. Wires just get in the way for me. Cordless ones use bluetooth so make sure to charge them before you leave the house. Notice when I say headphones and not earphones. I made that mistake once.
  • Armbound Pouch. You’ll thank me when your expensive phone doesn’t fly off your sweaty hand and crash into concrete. I bought a cheap one on amazon – it even has a little compartment for your house key – also important to take with you!
  • Water bottle. If you’re using a standard plastic bottle make sure to clean it every so often to ward off a build up of algae. However, it’s still a good idea to buy a sports water bottle. This is the one I bought.
  • Depending on the cold weather, gloves. Depending on how bad your sinuses act up in cold weather, tissue. Lots of it.
  • Sunglasses and cap. Nothing makes me feel cooler than when I’m in my Magnum P.I. aviators and black cap and people making way for me as if I’m untouchable celebrity. This is the ultimate confidence booster.

Number 3: Start!

1. You need to create a morning routine. It’s good for your bodily functions. Trust me, nothing makes a person feel shittier than attempting to run with a build up of stomach fluid. Set a specific time to sleep and wake up.

2. As soon as you’re up, pop down and eat a light snack. Exercising without fuel in your body is just disaster waiting to happen. I always start my day with a banana.

3. Within the hour of waking up you should feel your body singing the climax of Nessun Dorma for the toilet.

4. Get dressed, set your timer and have your water bottle ready. I advise my heavy busted ladies to wear two sports bras. I wear these.

5. For the love of God, warm up. I was having a discussion with my brother once and he complained about muscle pulls and strains he’s been experiencing when working out, and when I asked him if he was warming up correctly before every routine, he replied, “warming up is for sissies”…yes, actual words that came out of his mouth. I gaped at him for a full good second before stating, “well there you have it, dumbass.”

6. Please don’t do what I did and run like your fucking life depended on it. Show your poor lungs some mercy and find a light pace.

7. Come home, cool down and pat yourself in the back. You did great.

Don’t worry if you reached a certain point in the plan and your body hasn’t caught up to it yet. The plans are just there to give you an idea so always go at your own pace. For a long time I couldn’t break the 2 min run/1 min walk barrier.

As I quote fitnessblender, listen to your body. That means if your aunt flo is hunting like a mountain man down there, crawl back into bed!

Please feel free to update me on your progress, or if you’d like to offer your own tips.

Till next time, my dears.

Sahar is in progress.

5 thoughts on “Run, Forest, run!

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